Didn’t think it would come to this, Don’t know how it started, My fate has been sealed with a kiss, The water never parted, My religion is my life, But I don’t believe in me, Sorrow she is my wife, And she won't set me free, I’ve been following a shadow, I thought it was the light, My witness has been laid low, I guess he lost the fight, Raise your hand if you know me, Close your eyes if you don’t, Because I want someone to show me, Why I can but won't. Come ye faithful drop that load, It gets heavier everyday, Trade your sins for a pot of gold, Don’t ever listen to what I say, I’m a liar when it comes to the truth, I can't give it up for a song, I’m getting old now I miss my youth, I know I’m right and that must be wrong, If I’m dying I’d be better off dead, If I’m alive I’d be better off living, If I’m a dreamer then put me to bed, This dream is so unforgiving, If I could just drop off the face of the earth, Into the heavens above, If I could get my money's worth, I wouldn’t waste my time on love. Let me tell you what I know, Let me tell you what I see, Must I keep up this show, Must I seem and never be, But who am I talking to, I don’t worry about the rain, And just what do I have to do with you, Except to remind you of your pain, I’m nobody but I’m nobody’s fool, I’m beauty’s anger you're beauty’s face, I am time's favorite tool, I’m just a witness of this space, It’s not a way in it’s a way out, It’s an alter for my ego, It’s the vanity of my doubt, It’s my self that won’t let me go. Nov. 89

Have I come so far just to end up back at the beginning, Is this the then never started or the now ever ending, If there is a problem I fail to see it as such, Maybe I need just a little maybe I got to much, The theory of circle is now a fact, There ain't no starting over there ain't no going back, But we’ve got to go back to who knows when, To the first bite of original sin, Eve; I adore you in your modest shame, I would never hold you to blame, Oh my temptress oh my naked core, Give me much too much but just give me more, There’s somewhere I’m going just over the horizon, It’s not a question of where it’s a question of when, What I lack in patience I make up for in desperation, Every fouled piece of wisdom turns out to be pure speculation, Too much time to think and not enough to come up with the right answer, Thought eats at your mind like some kind of cancer, But if I could just hold in my hands what I see in my mind, Then I will have found what I’m trying to find, But I’m not sure who it is that’s lost, Is it the car I’m driving or the bridge I crossed, Oh for mercy all my pity I’d give, I wanna put this life behind me so I can live. If this is the biggest fish you can throw it back, How many times does that make I have lost track, You can't doubt nothing but you can't be sure, Health is a symptom for which disease is a cure, And now I seem to have lost my since of direction, Try as I might I can't seem to catch the latest infection, Deaf dumb and blind; I go always against the grain, I can't believe the same blood that's in my heart runs thru my brain, And these shoes I’ve got on my feet you know they're way to tight, And my mood just don’t seem to fit the night, And now I’m pinned under an avalanche of greed, And my hand can't reach my mouth for to feed, I should have watched my backside should have known they were just teasing me, Leading me to distraction with no intention of pleasing me, I know it’s my own fault but that just don’t help none, I’ve got a thousand excuses but right now I can't name one, I guess it was the speed involved I thought we were going slower, She wanted me to pretend we’d never met but I didn’t even know her, But what can you expect but more of the same, I can quote every rule but I’m still not good at the game, But all I wanted was everything so what’s the deal, But this insubordinate illusion is all to real, Ah; but nothing could be better and everything could be worse, Any blessing always has the potential of a curse, Yeah the theory of circle is now a fact, And the future of every man is black. Sept. 88

They say there ain't no problems that a little time won’t take away, But I swear every morning I get up I feel the same as yesterday, I wonder if I’ll have to cry to prove it hurts, But I know in the end (they say) we all get our just desserts, There’s a shack up in the valley and a house up on the high hill, It’s a shame when you know you can but you never will, But there’s no way to get clean when the river runs dry, When you’ve sold all you can sell and bought all you can buy. Like a tired ghost wondering thru the catacombs, I’m living in this house that I can't call, home, The lonesome moon cries for the midnight, The chimney sweeps seem to pause in mid-flight, In the essence of this darkness my spirit does roam, Searching for that home away from home. All the love in the world sometimes I can feel it flow, But sorrow's hand won’t loosen her grip to let it go, Seems like the bad always gets the best of the good, But I know me and I think you’ll agree that we never try as hard as we could, All the wasted pryers that just roll like smoke up to the sky, And all the frozen tears that never make it thru the tear-ducts to the eye, We all feel tough like stone and we're really amazed when we see someone fall apart, But it’s only the heartless ones who ever die of a broken heart. Like a tired ghost wondering thru the catacombs, I’m living in this house that I can't call, home, The lonesome moon cries for the midnight, The chimney sweeps seem to pause in mid-flight, In the essence of this darkness my spirit does roam, Searching for that home away from home. Got nothing to offer when you want so much to give, And what makes us think life has to be like this or that life is just to live, We can figure out the tricky parts it’s the simple things that are tough, We know when we want some more but we never know when enough is enough, It’s a little to late to ask for help after you’ve signed your suicide note, With not the greatest insight but the best intentions this you wrote, I can't go on anymore; so life wins with death, You didn’t realize that you defeat life with each passing breath. Like a tired ghost wondering thru the catacombs, I’m living in this house that I can't call, home, The lonesome moon cries for the midnight, The chimney sweeps seem to pause in mid-flight, In the essence of this darkness my spirit does roam, Searching for that home away from home. You can't fill in the void there are no such ways known, All the answers to the questions are there alright they just have not been shown, And people do what they want regardless of right and wrong, And they care less about the singer than they do the song, We’ve got a mouth to feed; a soul to be saved and an innocence to be lost, And we’ll sell even our dreams to cover the cost, And it’s here I stand; before this alter of confusion, I’ve felt the flesh I’ve seen the ghost and I still don’t know which is the illusion. Like a tired ghost wondering thru the catacombs, I’m living in this house that I can't call home, The lonesome moon cries for the midnight, The chimney sweeps seem to pause in mid-flight, In the essence of this darkness my spirit does roam, Aim for the heart mother carry me home. Sept. 86

I just woke up; the wind is howling against the window, Life seemed less like a dream when it was a dream, What was it that I went to sleep with; I just don’t know, Is the best fire can do is turn into smoke, Seems like the things I never use to remember; now I just can't forget, The star of my soul has gone supernova; now there’s only desolation, What once was a future full of hope has become a past full of regret, My heart was fixed but my head sought no capitulation. And now who will claim this vision that proved itself blind, Who will boast of what he was looking for and admit what he did find, I will say; I don’t know the sun just went down to soon, And I swear I couldn’t see at all if it weren’t for the moon. Maybe I’m stumbling thru the past when I should be leaning on the future, Because the past is what I’ve lost; the future is all I have, The past must be surgically removed from my mind the present is the suture, And there should be more to life than just being alive, But sometimes I just don’t know what I know, I’m just me to you but I’m a mystery to me, I could go anywhere if I just knew where to go, I could be anything if I just knew what to be. And now who will claim this pawn who use to be a king, Who set out looking for the promised land and didn’t find a thing, I watched the sunset and I knew it was setting to soon, Now I couldn’t see at all if it weren’t for the moon. Laying here in the darkness with the moon in my eyes, I know that every night something slips away that can never be again, And the morning’s memories are just a disguise, For the immortality of your mortal sin, I’m surrounded by silence; so much goes unsaid, Everyday the darkness devours another morsel of light, There is a garden that is dying in my head, Because it draws no nourishment from this night. And now who will claim this vision that proved itself blind, Who will boast of what he was looking for and admit what he did find, I will say I don’t know; the sun just went down to soon, And I swear I couldn’t see the darkness if it weren’t for the moon. Nov. 89

And so life goes on till death do we part, There’s no better way to end no safer place to start, Let's have a standing ovation for the circus freak, Makes you feel so mighty to see someone so meek, Punch line humor; standing-room only joke, A crowd gathers 'round to watch your life go up in smoke, You can hear your sanity creaking like a rusty joint, Don’t know whether to blame yourself but that's beside the point. These are the days when the heat is unbearable, These are the days when the forecast is terrible, The world is an enemy, People are just what they seem to be, It’s the dark night of the soul, You feel like a circle around a hole. Sick and fucking tired of humoring these idiots but it’s all a good laugh in the end, And then we go on pretending to pretend, But you’ve got to suffer till your sober; watch till you go blind, Dance till doomsday; no one seems to mind, When you try to hide; well you just give yourself away, Every man is judged by what he does or does not say, It’s easy to forget to remember but it’s tough to remember to forget, I’ve been bleeding for years and I’m not dead yet. These are the days when the heat is unbearable, These are the days when the forecast is terrible, The world is an enemy, People are just what they seem to be, It’s the dark night of the soul, You feel like a circle around a hole. It’s just a feeling it’s nothing you can touch, It’s beyond definition so it couldn’t mean that much, Life is indifferent to the spectator's seats, The people in the front ten rows can't see any better than the people in the cheap seats, But everybody thinks they’ve got a birds-eye view, So everybody’s just doing without knowing what to do, And so life goes on till death do we part, There’s no safer way to end no better place to start. These are the days when the heat is unbearable, These are the days when the forecast is terrible, The world is an enemy, People are just what they seem to be, It’s the dark night of the soul, You feel like a circle around a hole. Sept. 87

Well I tried to change the system but the system changed me, Now I’ve backed myself into a corner; somebody call the police, And I don’t think it’s funny though I know it must be a joke, I tried to tell ‘em they were bending it to far; just about the time it broke, If god has any mercy; if the saints have any pull, Deliver me thru this night choked with mystery; beneath a moon that's shining full. I’m a wanted criminal and an unwanted man, I know the truth but I don’t understand, Why we have to live this way, Life always seems to be a day away. I can usually resist temptation but temptation can't resist me, There were so many things I had to become that I could never be, The only thing I could ever get right was whatever was wrong, It’s the only music I could dance to but this singer needs a song, I would have died for love if I’d had any; now I kill out of spite, But I won't give up so easy on this; your in for a hell of a fight. I’m a wanted criminal and an unwanted man, I know the truth but I don’t understand, Why we have to live this way, Life always seems to be a day away. Now I’m just a vagabond under a star-crossed sky, I’m sure about what I’ve done but I’m not really sure why, But people always call you crazy if your not like them, And only a real sucker ever goes out on a limb, And I may be a fool; ah this I will admit, But he who cast the first stone is more than full of shit. I’m a wanted criminal and an unwanted man, I know the truth but I don’t understand, Why we have to live this way, Life always seems to be a day away. Sept. 88

Round and round and round she goes, Where she stops nobody knows, Down in the valley there comes a storm, But in the eye of this weather all is safe and warm, I thought this was the only way, 'Till tomorrow became today, The morning came in so indiscreet, The night left us so bitter sweet. Round and round and round she goes, Where she stops nobody knows, Time is queen I’m just a pawn, I wait in darkness for the dawn, I blinked my eyes my vision lost, For one split second see how much it cost, Now that the future’s here, The past is all I have to fear. I’m glad your here it’s been a rough ride, I was your saviour but you were my guide, If I could open my heart let you into my soul, Maybe I could find some real control. Door; rose; bloom; ice; sun; mind, Maybe I’m what I’ve been trying to find. But I’m starless now; I live by the moon, My soul’s out of sync and my mind’s out of tune. Round and round and round she goes, Where she stops nobody knows, Time is queen I’m just a pawn, I wait in darkness for the dawn, I blinked my eyes my vision lost, For one split second see how much it cost, Now that the future’s here, The past is all I have to fear. If my senses are what they seem to be, I’m just an erogenous zone memory, Now the gentle rain feels good on my skin, Reminds me of my innocence lost; way back when, Do the nights full of laughter make up for the tears in my eyes, Does the intoxicated faith make up for the hopeless sighs, But my feet are still on the ground; my eyes still cast in wonder, My heart has felt the lightning; my soul is waiting on the thunder. Round and round and round she goes, Where she stops nobody knows, Time is queen I’m just a pawn, I wait in darkness for the dawn, I blinked my eyes my vision lost, For one split second see how much it cost, Now that the futures here, The past is oh so dear. Dec. 89

I live at the bottom of the wishing well; my name is hope, I’m the reason why some people die; I’m the reason why some people cope, I’m your secret wish; I am your best friend, Where your reason begins that is where I end, Can't you see the world is black; I am the only light, I helped you thru your day; I hope I can help you thru this night, Sometimes I get lonely because no one calls me by my name, They cross their fingers for luck and say a prayer for fame, I have more work than I can handle; I can't do it all, When I don’t come running right away that doesn’t mean I didn’t hear you call, I guess things could always be better than again they could always get worse, For some I am a charm; for others I am a curse, I seldom listen to desperation although sometimes I might, If it’s not the pitiful whine of someone who has already given up the fight, What can you do to convince a loser that he could be a winner, When they draw their hand back from their wooden heart they're bound to find a splinter, Some people need the sun and some people need the rain, Some people wait for glory and some people wait in vain, I’ve had to much to drink now I think I’ll hit the hay, And all I can do is listen to what you expect me to say. Nov. 89

I know the secret yet I live the lie, Don’t ask me to tell you; don’t ask me why, Where there’s a will there’s always a will in your way, I wait for tomorrow and it turns out like today, Is it my fault that I am me, Or just the price you pay for being free, The moment just shifted it’s fast out of range, This weather is ominous this weather is strange. I just can't figure me out, All I’m sure of is this insatiable doubt, I wonder if you really see me, And if I’m anything at all what could I be. I was lost at sea; then I drifted ashore, I forgot why I left but that don’t matter no more, I don’t live for a reason; I don’t die for a cause, I just break; I didn’t make the laws, I’m like a shadow I disappear in the night, I know I’m wrong but I hope I’m right, An abstract parade on a concrete lawn, The dreamers will wake the sleepers at dawn. I just can't figure me out, All I’m sure of is this insatiable doubt, I wonder if you really see me, And if I’m anything at all what could I be. Lost in the moment; hunted in time, The future's a myth; the past is a crime, I offer confusion to the order of space, There’s a voice I keep hearing somewhere behind my face, Where did I come from; where am I going, I’m still the same size although I keep growing, I just can't tell what is and is not real, I’m sure of my touch but I’m not sure what I feel. I just can't figure me out, All I’m sure of is this insatiable doubt, I wonder if I really see you, And I wonder if you wonder about me too. Nov. 89

Over my head there’s a sky full of rain, That shows no mercy to this desert plain, Here in my heart there’s an ocean of tears, That ebbs and flows with the tide of years, I’m driven by weakness; certain of doubt, What I can't live with; I just can't live without, Now the sun is a shadow; this dream is a curse, I’d give it up for the truth but that could be worse. Water and rain, Can you explain, Can you show me the difference; can you ease my pain, It seems to me you can drown in either, Water and rain. Now the day is hunting me but I’m hiding in the night, I’m sure you're wrong but I’m not sure who’s right, In the theater of the mind there’s just another rerun, There’s a crescent moon above a setting sun, I think this medicine works but the doctor’s sick, He said death is a magician and life is just a trick, Now I’m lost in repetition but it’s never the same, Tell me what do you win if you win this game. Water and rain, Can you explain, It’s drowned my mind; it’s flooded my brain, But you can learn to swim in either, Water and rain. Over my head there’s a rainbow, Under my feet there’s a puddle, Oh the difference is quiet, Oh the difference is subtle, Now I feel the mercy, Now I see the light. Water and rain, No need to explain, Call me crazy before I go insane, Seems my thirst can't tell the difference between, Water and rain. Oct. 89

Flesh and bone, Lips to kiss, Some thought in mind, I may have missed, I’m amazed, I am here, I am nothing, Without you near. This can't be, This can't be, What it is, This can't be. Was it you, Or was it me, That chose desire, That chose to be, Who can know, Who can believe, Chose to stay, Chose to leave. This can't be, This can't be, What it is, This can't be. A star to pass, Between your eyes, A breath to breathe, Between your sighs, I doubt this man, I doubt your touch, Yet I need your flesh, I need so much. This can't be, This can't be, What it is, This can't be. Life is nothing, Death is less, Your deep green eyes, Your scarlet dress, All I am, Except for you, Is what I think, And what you do. (song of my heart sing me to sleep, sing me a dream the morning can keep, come now my love the silence is mine, we live in a dream on the outskirts of town) This can't be, This can't be, What it is, This can't be. Nov. 89

Got to get away from all this it’s driving me crazy, Too much free time on my hands it’s making me lazy, All the world’s problems seem like mine I just can't seem to let them go, After all these years of guessing I can't believe that we don’t know, Sometimes I want to rip a hole in my heart just to watch it bleed, Because my soul is full of charity but my heart is full of greed, We can't ever get what we want so we take what we can get, We can't live with reason so we live with regret. Forget all that and let's go out dancing, This is the night for the true romancing, Let's go down and pick up some wine, You know tonight could be so fine, Let's let love float to the top, Let's make love 'till we drop, The world is just a dream tonight, In the morning everything is gonna be alright. All this make believe trouble; I just can't get it out of my mind, The tide rolled right out and left this pilgrim's soul behind, My ego tries to tell me that I’m some kind of saint, Got a landscape in my vision that I don’t know how to paint, I live in perpetual haste and silent confusion, Searching for the reality behind this illusion, I went down to the river to try and get clean, But purity made me hungry and liberty made me mean. Forget all that and let's go out dancing, This is the night for the true romancing, Let's go down and pick up some wine, You know tonight could be so fine, Let's let love float to the top, Let's make love 'till we drop, The world is just a dream tonight, In the morning everything is gonna be alright. Ah; the ghosts are really moaning tonight; I’m gonna move out of this haunted house, But I’m sure there is still a man somewhere inside this mouse, I just wonder if life is god’s best joke, Or if he’s waiting for the grand finale to go for broke, I laugh one day; I cry the next but I never waste my tears, I’m a burden of the future I’m a testament of the years, And freedom is my sentence and I’m busy doing time, It’s a shame but self defence is my only crime. Forget all that and let's go out dancing, This is the night for the true romancing, Let's go down and pick up some wine, You know tonight could be so fine, Let's let love float to the top, Let's make love 'till we drop, The world is just a dream tonight, In the morning everything is gonna be alright. Dec. 89